I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
