You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
