I love black thongs
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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