My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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