i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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