judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
