Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
