I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
