She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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