Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
