He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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