I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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