He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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