So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
