Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
