Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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