I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
