you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
