I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
