Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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