I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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