is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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