I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
