i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
