the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
