She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
