we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
