someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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