i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
