DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
