after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
