i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
