i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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