I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
