Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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