i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
