You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
