My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
