explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
