Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
