can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
