Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
