so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
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