Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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