So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Ketchup is God's man juice
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
