he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
