So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
