last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
