if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
