I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
