whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
