We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
