Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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