There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
