FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
